Tuesday, August 22, 2006


I think I'm trying to sidestep something. It is playing in the back of my mind and I haven't yet allowed it to come to the forefront, but I won't be able to suppress it for long. It's becoming too strong. I have the feeling it's going to be one of those all encompassing projects with all manner of underpinning that will give voice to something I have avoided giving voice to that I probably should have.

Apparently this is that birthing I was alluding to earlier. I wasn't just being melodramatic after all.

Darn it! Just when I thought I had breathing room!

Friday, August 11, 2006


I think life gets pregnant. I think that at a given time a seed of higher being is fertilized and begins to grow within and early on you have no idea what has taken place. You start to feel a little queasy, lightheaded, and, frankly, uneasy. Things just don't seem quite right, and you can't put your finger on why. Then, as time moves forward, your life body starts to stretch and churn, and you are in constant states of adjustment -- sometimes physical, other times emotional, and still other times spiritual -- as you seek to accommodate what's developing within.

Midway you start to accept that this change is occurring deep inside of you and you realize there isn't much, outside of some very drastic measure, you can do to alter the change-in-progress and you begin to think that you're accepting the inevitable, but then, as time nears for you to deliver whatever is being birthed in your life, you start to be filled with anguish and anxiety, fear and more.

The you you thought you knew is now clumsy and awkward and you question if you'll ever return to who you were, but, above all, you worry if you are equipped to care for, to nurture and develop this new 'whatever it is' that you are about to expel. That's when the pain kicks in and you feel like profaning everything that might have anything to do with putting you in this laborious state.

I don't know what happens from there yet. I just know that these birth pains I'm in the midst of are absolutely brutal.