Friday, May 18, 2007

Tapped by MsJayy

Now this is a bit different for me. I'm not sure what my mindset normally is when I drift here to blog a bit, but it is usually unscripted. But I'm purposely here now because I got tagged by MsJayy. I didn't know it until I was checking my site visits and saw a host were coming from her site. My eyebrow lifted and I hurried on over to see what was up, and there, near the bottom of her eloquent offering on her obsessions, was my name as one of the next five in line to spill all. My goodness, I thought, this is not a good time for me to try to delve into my wounded psyche! So, forgive me if I come up with a lot of fluff, or, if I go all the way off the deep end on the side of melancholia. Life has recently been a very, very bumpy ride.

1) Listening: I listen so hard now it physically hurts, especially if someone I love deeply is talking. I want to hear them. I want to make sure I am really hearing what they are saying, what they mean, and, this is probably the most painful part, trying to hear between the lines to what they aren't saying.

2) Sleeping: Sleep is a commodity that I now value beyond my ability to say. I approach it ritualistically, having been deprived of it for a spell, and I do what I can to ensure that once I have lured it to me, I can keep it for at least four or five hours. Prescription sleep aids were against my better judgement, and over the counter sleep aids would just take me to the door of a good night's sleep and abandon me there, but, I stumbled upon a wonderful tea, made by Tazo, and rightfully named 'Calm'. So I am careful to differentiate that I am obsessed with sleep and not 'Calm', but, at least for the moment, they go hand-in-hand.

3) Direction: My direction is an obsession. Any road taking me there is no longer acceptable. I need to know where I'm headed, what mode of transportation I'm taking, I'm adamant about reading the signs posted along the way, and about what I'm supposed to do when I reach my destination.

4) Possibilities: There are possibilities that have introduced themselves to me in the lives (and deaths) of others that I resent having been opened up as possibilities. Though this may seem an odd statement: I am obsessed with limiting my possibilities. Some of you will understand.

5) Writing: Momentum as a writer stalled momentarily, but it is back in spades. The poet in me is a slave driver now! I weave poetry now as though I were at a spinning wheel with my foot cemented to the pedal. Short bursts of prose or long fiddled with premises are finding themselves hammered out into coherent synopsis, that become respectable outlines, and are turning into long overdue finished projects. I am writing ruthlessly, continuously, passionately, and authentically.

Okay? Next up is Carla, Shelia, and I'm not going to come up with anymore because my FIVE have already been tagged! Did I play fair? I hope so!


MsJayy said...

I love you. I mean that. Your list is pure YOU. Breathtaking in it's authenticity, simplicity and nakedness. I so understand. Your words literally brought tears to my eyes. We both know why. :O)

I pray it brings you closer to comfort & peace.


Peggy said...

Thank you so much, Jackie

Shai said...

Good point on listening. I just someone speak on how we all want to be heard and don't want to listen. Sadly communication can be so frustrating because many are quick to hear and speak instead of really listening. It is hard because as the saying goes: Not everyone thinks like you. Different perspectives means flexible listening.